Days went by, and my plan to document what God was teaching me about prayer remained idle in my notepad. Every month came with a resolution that I would do better the next month. Hours turned into days, days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, and months became a full year.
If you are reading this, this is my final attempt to document what the Holy Spirit taught me about prayer. God bless you as you read.
It all started when I lost my only mother. Of course, I said "only" because the fact that we only have one makes the loss even more painful to bear. I felt uncovered and afraid for my life because she had been a covering for me and the rest of my family.
This fear made me sit in the dark, with eyes full of tears, and talk to God in the most unconventional way possible. Every time my heart skipped in fear, anxiety, or grief over unanswered questions, I would sit down and imagine a God who could hear me, and I would speak to Him very freely. To me, God was the only one I could depend on.
I felt this way because everyone seemed to have deserted me, or perhaps they moved on too quickly from my grief. I came to understand the reality of "only God." When my phone was dead and my friends were asleep, it only made sense to talk to the One I knew was always there.
I developed a dependency on the Lord that came from a place of, "God, it is only You who truly knows." I felt this because only God knew beforehand that I would lose my mother. Even I did not know. It became a matter of this: if it is only God who truly knows my life, then let it be only Him that I depend on.
This realization drove me to prayer daily. Then I began hearing words in my spirit such as, "It is only You I know." That was when I realized I had struck a chord. The real meaning of prayer became clearer to me. Its length, importance, and priority no longer confused me. I simply wanted to cry out to God.
It was in this state that the Holy Spirit began teaching me about prayer. This is not a sermon, but I would like to list some of the things He taught me.
1. Prayer is a life.
Not in the cliché way we often hear it, but in the sense that prayer is a posture of the heart. An idolatrous Christian will not truly pray. Such a person may engage in the activities of prayer, but prayer will not be allowed to transform their life as it should.
I learned that I would pray consistently because I had become convinced that only God could help me. I learned that only communion with God could keep me safe, satisfy me, and deliver me. So when I began spending more time on my phone to ease my anxiety, my prayer life naturally declined. If it is only God I know, then it should be God I am most often found with.
Jeremiah 17:5 NKJV
[5] Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man And makes flesh his strength, Whose heart departs from the Lord.
2. Praying with the heart
God taught me this when I would often complain that I was not shouting, and therefore perhaps my prayers would not be answered. He brought my attention to the Scriptures in Matthew and showed me that I should focus first on praying in secret.
This may sound controversial, but by "secret" I mean the secret place of my heart. He taught me that I should genuinely mean what I was saying to Him and believe that He would answer me.
Matthew 6:6 NIrV
[6] When you pray, go into your room. Close the door and pray to your Father, who can’t be seen. Your Father will reward you, because he sees what you do secretly.
3. Faith is essential.
This lesson is closely related to the second. The Lord made me see that He desires to be believed. He showed me the connection between faith and idolatry. If I do not completely believe the Lord, I will not find it fitting to run only to Him. Instead, I will seek alternatives.
This understanding led me to search the Scriptures to discover what God says about Himself and to choose to believe those truths. God wants to know that he is our one and only.
Hebrews 11:6 NKJV
[6] But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.
4. Pray intentionally.
God taught me to pray with specific requests in mind and to watch for the results. I began writing down the things I needed to pray about according to my needs, and that became the structure of my prayer time.
While these lessons are still subject to correction and further growth, I have been greatly blessed by what the Lord has taught me. Everything He spoke to me came from Scripture: that it must be only Him I know, only Him I trust, and that this posture leads to a fruitful prayer life.
